McBert

Recently came to Wahbert a revelation why her life is an endless toil.

Wahbert was summoned by the ancient and wise guru who lives in a cave in the southwestern tip of the realm. With dishevelled hair, rumpled clothes and ever forgetfulness, the old guru sat Wahbert down and with a beatific smile, such that one would confer on their favourite child, said, "With all due respect, I have asked you to undertake this task because they can only afford to pay us 3 grand for our advice and you are the cheapest(1) LA in this department(2)." He hastened to add, "Not that there is anything cheap about your work, I am sure it is of the highest quality." Convincing, save for the maniacal cackling that ensued. Wahbert attributed that to senility.

So apparently Wahbert has a reputation for being efficient. In other words, Wahbert has achieved the status of a legal Value Meal - cheap, fast and good enough. However, here's a reminder to all who may approach - It only costs a dollar to upsize!!!


(Incidentally, the old man also insists on calling Wahbert Michelle. Wahbert's name, for the record, is NOT Michelle. )


Footnotes
1. Cheap is a relative concept
2. That was not true. The Little One would work in exchange for a tummy rub

How can I kill thee? Let me count the ways

The tea lady is on medical leave. The kettle is empty. The water cooler is empty. The nearest oasis is located in a snakepit across the road known as HSBC. Worse, Wahbert is not getting her coffee. And now Wahbert has had her USB privileges stripped away by the IT Nazis. Even the USB mouse had to go. Wahbert needs to move to a more user-friendly environment.

The coup begins with the IT rats

The Elders have departed to make their yearly pilgrimage in search for enlightenment atonement greater wisdom so on so forth. The people contemplated staging a coup whilst the Elders are away (the best idea by far was to change the lock).

Bright and early this morning, the generally despised cult of social misfits known as the IT rats stormed the World of Wahbert. In a cold blooded murder spree, they took over the computers, and killed all the poor defenceless little USB ports while the people watched in horror.

Fade to grey

Three of the locals decided to all show up in varying shades of grey from head to toe today. Standing side by side, Wahbert, Moron 2 and the Little One personify the term "Made to Fade". It's past 5 o'clock. Wahbert thinks she'll lie down and blend in with the carpet for awhile.

In other news, the people of WoW were fed cake today because it was someone's birthday. One of the elders leaned in to see what sort of cake it was. In a dazzling display of willpower Wahbert suppressed the urge to bump into her at that moment.

Survivor (Part III) - Eyebrows made me do it!!!

By the end of the second night (shortly after the 1st and 2nd lines of offense began their self-destruction), Wahbert found herself snogging The Stapler again *groan*. Wahbert firmly believes that this momentary lapse of judgment was a result of her eyebrows looking good that evening, thanks to the amazing efforts put in by her soulmate. The eyebrows made me do it!!!

Or it could be due to severe intoxication. What was that again about fooling me once.. twice.... could we do thAt again???

Survivor (Part II) - Self-Destruct

Then comes the night of judgment. This was the night where they separate the men from the boys (or the workaholics from the alcoholics) with free flow alcohol all night long.

Now, a sort of feud has been going on between the Loud Mouths and the Paper Pushers (also known as the Litigation department and the Corporate department respectively) since time immemorial. It might have originated from the fact that they thought we come to work too late and we thought they leave work too early.... or because one of their elders looked at ours funny. Anyway, no one really remembers, but every year, the tribes meet and try to drink each other under the table in some sort of a battle for supremacy. This year, the Paper Pushers recruited Wahbert and the Little One. Wahbert was designated as 2nd line of offence whilst Little One was the 1st.

Unfortunately, before the battle got started, the 1st line of offence met the 2nd line and decided to self-destruct. It was a black black day in the history of the Paper Pushers.

Survivor (Part I) - Slippery Senorita

The omnipotent Gods in the World of Wahbert have decided that it was time that the people of WoW be sent on a journey to perdition. So last weekend, the people were exiled to a remote island 300 miles away from civilisation, under the guise of "Annual Dinner Getaway to Penang".

On the first night, Wahbert, Moron 1 and Moron 2 (whom you may recall from an earlier post) and other inconsequential WoW beings decided that perhaps if they injected massive quantities of intoxicating substances into their system, they would find the whole perdition experience kind of fun. So the bunch of us went down to a local watering hole called "Slippery Senorita" (We thought the name sounded promising. Don't ask.)

Not long after we got there, Moron 2 managed to pick up two girls, sisters. After a few minutes, he found out their names. It was "Sugar" and "Honey". Pleased to meet you. I'm Diabetic.

Few more minutes later, Wahbert found out something else. There was a rule in this club whereby you are not allowed to stray more than 3 feet beyond the bar if you have a cigarette and/or a drink in your hand. Each time Wahbert wandered beyond the imaginary 3 feet line, some guy in a suit and armed with a walkie-talkie would shoo her back.

Wahbert was effectively confined behind invisible bars the whole night with Sugar and Honey.