The gorillas sang Christmas carols. They ran out of food at Christmas lunch. The lion sat with Wahbert and the Wallflowers. As soon as the games began, everyone rushed back to do work. Wahbert discovered the new criteria to be made a partner, judging from those announced over lunch - you either have to be fat, or bald. Being both will get you very far.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Sunday, November 28, 2004
To the Moon and Back
Wahbert the Astronaut ("Astrobert") has crash landed back onto Earth. The shock of landing has sent Wahbert into another dimension known as Denial Meets Jet Lag. Wahbert seeks solace in alcohol.
One month ago, Astrobert catapulted out of the World of Wahbert into a distant planet, otherwise known as France (Seriously, there are aliens there). Upon initial contact, Astrobert noted the dazzliing lights of this planet, and the strange nasal language spoken. Fortunately, Astrobert's alien language processor enabled her to communicate with the natives.
Astrobert spent four weeks exploring the planet and found it to be extremely civilised albeit somewhat insular. As Wilde put it, they speak no language but their own, they read no literature but their own, hence they are pretty narrow-minded.. but one must not make a sweeping generalisation, some French do speak English... they are the waiters.
Anyhoo, Astrobert had an amazing time in this planet, but unfortunately, Astrobert finally ran out of euros and had bartered everything else salvaged from the World of Wahbert. Reluctantly, Astrobert embarked upon her ship for the journey back to Earth.
Astrobert is Wahbert once more. :o(
One month ago, Astrobert catapulted out of the World of Wahbert into a distant planet, otherwise known as France (Seriously, there are aliens there). Upon initial contact, Astrobert noted the dazzliing lights of this planet, and the strange nasal language spoken. Fortunately, Astrobert's alien language processor enabled her to communicate with the natives.
Astrobert spent four weeks exploring the planet and found it to be extremely civilised albeit somewhat insular. As Wilde put it, they speak no language but their own, they read no literature but their own, hence they are pretty narrow-minded.. but one must not make a sweeping generalisation, some French do speak English... they are the waiters.
Anyhoo, Astrobert had an amazing time in this planet, but unfortunately, Astrobert finally ran out of euros and had bartered everything else salvaged from the World of Wahbert. Reluctantly, Astrobert embarked upon her ship for the journey back to Earth.
Astrobert is Wahbert once more. :o(
Thursday, October 14, 2004
The Wahbert Petting Zoo
The Master of the Universe, otherwise known as the Managing Partner, has a thing which he calls "Managing by Walking Around".
Now, many people in the World of Wahbert live in small enclosures with a glass facade, much like those big aquariums, just without the decorative anemone.
Yesterday, the MP pottered up to the World of Wahbert for a look around. Unfortunately, it was the wrong time of the day and Wahbert was the only one awake. The MP stood outside the glass window and stared curiously at Wahbert for a few minutes. Wahbert immediately activated nature's best defense - her furniture-morphing cells. Disinterested, the MP surveyed his surroundings for a moment before departing to manage another department.
Wahbert is reminded of her visit to the zoo when she was little. At all the exciting animal exhibits, there would always only be just one animal that is awake during the day. Now Wahbert understands how self-conscious the poor beasties must have felt.
Now, many people in the World of Wahbert live in small enclosures with a glass facade, much like those big aquariums, just without the decorative anemone.
Yesterday, the MP pottered up to the World of Wahbert for a look around. Unfortunately, it was the wrong time of the day and Wahbert was the only one awake. The MP stood outside the glass window and stared curiously at Wahbert for a few minutes. Wahbert immediately activated nature's best defense - her furniture-morphing cells. Disinterested, the MP surveyed his surroundings for a moment before departing to manage another department.
Wahbert is reminded of her visit to the zoo when she was little. At all the exciting animal exhibits, there would always only be just one animal that is awake during the day. Now Wahbert understands how self-conscious the poor beasties must have felt.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Metamorphoses
Wahbert is morphing into office furniture. Dressed in black and grey, Wahbert blends easily into her surroundings. As the last vestige of Wahbert's physical form is sapped away, Wahbert slowly disappears into the office chair.
so sleepy........ sigh
so sleepy........ sigh
Monday, October 04, 2004
Did you ever think that Clinton might have sent Monica an email that goes something like this?
This is an email Wahbert received today:
Received on 04-10-2004, 11:52:40
To:
cc:
Subject: RE: Permanent CF
***********************
Your mail has been scanned by InterScan.
***********-***********
WAHBERT,
Pls come to my office to do what ever you want. I do not have that file
they refer to. I can bring you to MPK to request for the file.
Thanks & Best Regards,
LONELY.
YOU_SICKO SDN BHD
Tel : 603-XXXXXXXX
Fax : 603-XXXXXXXX
e-mail : LONELY@YOU_SICKO.com.my
Oh sorry, MR. LONELY, I'm not an INTERN!
This is an email Wahbert received today:
Received on 04-10-2004, 11:52:40
To:
cc:
Subject: RE: Permanent CF
***********************
Your mail has been scanned by InterScan.
***********-***********
WAHBERT,
Pls come to my office to do what ever you want. I do not have that file
they refer to. I can bring you to MPK to request for the file.
Thanks & Best Regards,
LONELY.
YOU_SICKO SDN BHD
Tel : 603-XXXXXXXX
Fax : 603-XXXXXXXX
e-mail : LONELY@YOU_SICKO.com.my
Oh sorry, MR. LONELY, I'm not an INTERN!
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Gorillas
Five strange creatures were discovered in the World of Wahbert on Friday. They have been identified as being four females and one singular male. Wahbert was immediately reminded of a small band of gorillas.
Later in the day, Wahbert stumbled upon the creatures' hideout. It appears that the creatures had taken over a remote part of the World. Wahbert approached slowly and attempted to make contact. The creatures appear unaccustomed to humans and began chattering rapidly among themselves in a language strangely similar to English.
Wahbert decided that the creatures were annoying and better left alone.
Later in the day, Wahbert stumbled upon the creatures' hideout. It appears that the creatures had taken over a remote part of the World. Wahbert approached slowly and attempted to make contact. The creatures appear unaccustomed to humans and began chattering rapidly among themselves in a language strangely similar to English.
Wahbert decided that the creatures were annoying and better left alone.
Dinner Etiquette
In remote parts of Japan, it is considered polite to burp after a meal.
In the World of Wahbert, it is acceptable to throw a flaming match into the lap of the person sitting across the table.
Wahbert learnt that it is bad for one's health to piss off a flame-thrower over dinner.
In the World of Wahbert, it is acceptable to throw a flaming match into the lap of the person sitting across the table.
Wahbert learnt that it is bad for one's health to piss off a flame-thrower over dinner.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Border Dispute
The World of Wahbert has been under constant threat from the marauding hordes of barbarians camped at the northwestern tip of its realm. Recently, children, especially newborns, have been reported missing from the realm. It is strongly suspected that the barbarians are stealing the children and brainwashing them to turn against the Queen.
The barbarians have sent an emissary to negotiate with the Queen. As the Queen does not negotiate, she is gathering her forces ready for battle. Her case has been put before the Supreme Council of Elders. In the meantime, intel has it that the barbarian emissary is secretly rallying for support from neighbouring Worlds. It is rumoured that the Queen may be forced to cede parts of her territory to the barbarians.
The barbarians have sent an emissary to negotiate with the Queen. As the Queen does not negotiate, she is gathering her forces ready for battle. Her case has been put before the Supreme Council of Elders. In the meantime, intel has it that the barbarian emissary is secretly rallying for support from neighbouring Worlds. It is rumoured that the Queen may be forced to cede parts of her territory to the barbarians.
The Queen and I - Treason
In certain jurassic cultures, it is treason to be taller than the King. Hence, a subject is expected to kneel before the Ruler... or lie prostrate, if the Ruler is very short. In the World of Wahbert, it is death by screaming.
Today, Wahbert made the mistake of standing beside the Queen in high heels.
Today, Wahbert made the mistake of standing beside the Queen in high heels.
The Queen and I - Torture device
A faithful subject, upon returning from a perilous expedition beyond the World of Wahbert, presented the Queen with an offering - a keyring with a light. After pondering the strange object for a while, the Queen, in her infinite wisdom, summed it up to be a torture device. The Queen then visisted the prisoners' cells nearby and shone the frickin bright light in the eyes of the inmates.
The Queen and I - Chocolate
The Queen has an unstoppable appetite for chocolate. Whilst the World of Wahbert used to abound in this fine delicacy, the Queen's constant and unyielding demand has virtually depleted the entire chocolate reserves in the World of Wahbert.
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