Ladiessssss and Gentlemen!
The long awaited return of....
*drumroll*
Wahbert! New, improved, bigger and better!
and still stuck in the same old routine.
Well kiddos, after a 5 month (or was it 6? 7?) absence, it seems that Wahbert will be rejoining the workforce! This is the job that has been offered to Wahbert:
If you picture the firm as an oil exploration company, basically what they are doing is hauling their asses to the North Pole, and Wahbert is to join them on the expedition. When they get there, they're going to locate a piece of the Arctic about the size of a fifty cents coin, and start drilling two kilometres down, hoping to strike oil. What makes them drill at that spot? Someone told them it's a good idea and they're hoping it's true. Will they in fact find oil? Who knows. If they did, would there be enough oil to justify the cost of the expedition? One can hope.
So Wahbert, intrepid explorer of world unknown, lawyer turn oil driller, is about to embark on a new and unexpected adventure! Stay tuned for more. The journey begins when the immigration department issues its work permit!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Wahbert has left the building... then turned around and burnt it down
Did you hear about the cataclysmic event that rent the World of Wahbert asunder?
It happened when Wahbert slammed the door a little too hard leaving the building ;)
Yup, Wahbert woke up one day and decided that she felt strongly enough about quitting... so she did. It was a long time coming anyway. For the record, Wahbert really did take her stapler home for good measure.
Anyway, this marks the end of WoW, until things start happening in my life again... then I'll call this "a chapter". Until then, even Wahbert has difficulty making "wake up at noon, check emails, eat and sleep" come to life.
But readers, check this space. Wahbert has been asked to temp in a school. Can you imagine? Wahbert would have an entire generation as blogging fodder. It could be the start of Wahbert's very own tardblog! Better still, Wahbert sees the start of her prefab angpow production line. Perhaps the job is not such a bad idea.......
It happened when Wahbert slammed the door a little too hard leaving the building ;)
Yup, Wahbert woke up one day and decided that she felt strongly enough about quitting... so she did. It was a long time coming anyway. For the record, Wahbert really did take her stapler home for good measure.
Anyway, this marks the end of WoW, until things start happening in my life again... then I'll call this "a chapter". Until then, even Wahbert has difficulty making "wake up at noon, check emails, eat and sleep" come to life.
But readers, check this space. Wahbert has been asked to temp in a school. Can you imagine? Wahbert would have an entire generation as blogging fodder. It could be the start of Wahbert's very own tardblog! Better still, Wahbert sees the start of her prefab angpow production line. Perhaps the job is not such a bad idea.......
Thursday, March 23, 2006
The Queen's Cunning
Ever heard the story of a farmer who found out that someone had been stealing watermelons from his garden? He couldn't catch the wily thief, so one day, he put up a sign that said "one of these melons is poisoned".
What goes for watermelons apparently also goes for due diligence reports.
Yesterday, one of the partners sent Wahbert to ask the Queen for a due diligence report that she had prepared for a client, despite allegations that he had stolen the client from the Queen. This other partner was going to use the Queen's report and just update it, rather than doing the work from scratch. He gets to do this to the Queen because the poor Queen has inadvertently incurred the wrath of the Master of the Universe, Supreme Ruler of WoW.
The Queen was in a truly precarious position. There is a charge of treason hanging above her head and the King all but has a knife at her throat. With her hands tied, the Queen was in no position to refuse handing over the report. But the Queen did not become Queen by being easily cowed. She looked at Wahbert calmly and said, "You can have it, but the minute you open it, you will be subject to a higher standard of care because you may find all sorts of things in the report that you would not otherwise have."
The result? The other partner will be doing his own due diligence without using the Queen's report and the Queen cannot be said to have refused to cooperate. Long live the Queen!
What goes for watermelons apparently also goes for due diligence reports.
Yesterday, one of the partners sent Wahbert to ask the Queen for a due diligence report that she had prepared for a client, despite allegations that he had stolen the client from the Queen. This other partner was going to use the Queen's report and just update it, rather than doing the work from scratch. He gets to do this to the Queen because the poor Queen has inadvertently incurred the wrath of the Master of the Universe, Supreme Ruler of WoW.
The Queen was in a truly precarious position. There is a charge of treason hanging above her head and the King all but has a knife at her throat. With her hands tied, the Queen was in no position to refuse handing over the report. But the Queen did not become Queen by being easily cowed. She looked at Wahbert calmly and said, "You can have it, but the minute you open it, you will be subject to a higher standard of care because you may find all sorts of things in the report that you would not otherwise have."
The result? The other partner will be doing his own due diligence without using the Queen's report and the Queen cannot be said to have refused to cooperate. Long live the Queen!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I hate merchant bankers
Wahbert just came back from a meeting with further proof of why she dislike merchant bankers.
A point of law came up for discussion, and the merchant banker cut it off by saying "that may be so, but we are not here for a legal debate with you. In our experience, the Commission takes a different view" Later on during the meeting, the client again had another point of law to discuss, so she directed the question at the merchant banker and said, "with your dearth of experience, what do you think?" and the merchant banker happily prattled on about what he kNoWs the Commission would say or do.
Dearth, of course, means a scarcity or lack of... in other words, that big gaping hole where experience should be.
A point of law came up for discussion, and the merchant banker cut it off by saying "that may be so, but we are not here for a legal debate with you. In our experience, the Commission takes a different view" Later on during the meeting, the client again had another point of law to discuss, so she directed the question at the merchant banker and said, "with your dearth of experience, what do you think?" and the merchant banker happily prattled on about what he kNoWs the Commission would say or do.
Dearth, of course, means a scarcity or lack of... in other words, that big gaping hole where experience should be.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
usually im quite nice... really!
Today, Wahbert receives an email attaching pictures of a dozen homeless dogs that are in need of shelter. Wahbert does not like said sender and finds email annoying. Wahbert sends link to http://www.petsorfood.com
Somehow I just know that it's moments like these that will come back to haunt me when I'm old alone miserable and wondering why :)
Somehow I just know that it's moments like these that will come back to haunt me when I'm old alone miserable and wondering why :)
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Battle of the Corporate Floor
A long long time ago Wahbert had a kingdom in an online game - Utopia. In memory of a general that died in one of the many battles fought in Utopia, Wahbert wrote a poem "Evermore". Ten years later and shackled in the drab space of WoW, Wahbert finds herself faced with another desperate situation.
Battle of the Corporate Floor
This is a story of an old old war,
About the soldiers of the Corporate Floor;
It goes on today like it did before,
Like history caught in a revolving door.
The soldiers have traded in their armour plate,
To fight in pinstriped suits on an hourly rate;
But fight we did and long do we wait,
For the final outcome - our partnership fate.
It was the year two thousand and six
The soldiers crumbled like rotten sticks;
Some deserted in search of better picks,
Others down with illnesses the docs can't fix.
So from a dozen men we are down to five,
Not that anyone can tell if we're dead or alive;
But still the generals struggle and strive
to put off a much needed recruitment drive.
The five of us we are the Corporate's best,
We are the ones who withstood the test;
With only five can you compete with the rest?
Only five? Hah! We could do with less!
Watch us clinch our clients another deal,
Help 'em wipe out competition at a steal;
Once we smack on it the company seal,
If they dispute we'll go for the appeal.
Onward march thy Corporate army!
To the bold and stalwart, eternal glory!
Seize the day and claim your victory,
Before you're overdue for heart surgery.
We will march when we hear the battle cry,
O'er mountains high and through valleys dry;
We might hide some murders, swindle and lie,
But we're the Corporate soldiers and we'll never die!
Battle of the Corporate Floor
This is a story of an old old war,
About the soldiers of the Corporate Floor;
It goes on today like it did before,
Like history caught in a revolving door.
The soldiers have traded in their armour plate,
To fight in pinstriped suits on an hourly rate;
But fight we did and long do we wait,
For the final outcome - our partnership fate.
It was the year two thousand and six
The soldiers crumbled like rotten sticks;
Some deserted in search of better picks,
Others down with illnesses the docs can't fix.
So from a dozen men we are down to five,
Not that anyone can tell if we're dead or alive;
But still the generals struggle and strive
to put off a much needed recruitment drive.
The five of us we are the Corporate's best,
We are the ones who withstood the test;
With only five can you compete with the rest?
Only five? Hah! We could do with less!
Watch us clinch our clients another deal,
Help 'em wipe out competition at a steal;
Once we smack on it the company seal,
If they dispute we'll go for the appeal.
Onward march thy Corporate army!
To the bold and stalwart, eternal glory!
Seize the day and claim your victory,
Before you're overdue for heart surgery.
We will march when we hear the battle cry,
O'er mountains high and through valleys dry;
We might hide some murders, swindle and lie,
But we're the Corporate soldiers and we'll never die!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
fffflippp
You know those books you have when you're young where if you flip the corner of the pages you get a little moving picture? Like the one with Pooh shagging Eeyore or OOOops.. I mean, the one with the kid on a swing? Well you know what I mean.
Today, a partner came into Wahbert's room and started flipping the corner of Wahbert's Companies Act, which had the great misfortune of being on her desk. As he was speaking (and flipping), Wahbert just stared and stared at her book with her mouth twisted in distaste until the partner desisted with the offending act.
The point of this post is....
What should Wahbert start drawing in the corner of every page...?
Today, a partner came into Wahbert's room and started flipping the corner of Wahbert's Companies Act, which had the great misfortune of being on her desk. As he was speaking (and flipping), Wahbert just stared and stared at her book with her mouth twisted in distaste until the partner desisted with the offending act.
The point of this post is....
What should Wahbert start drawing in the corner of every page...?
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Manufacturing Marxists
Wahbert came to work in a pretty skirt and a pink cardigan. Imagine a walking botanical gardens and you pretty much have it. Halfway through the day, Wahbert received an urgent call for her to attend a meeting in a client's manufacturing facility.
Upon arrival at the security checkpoint, Wahbert was told by the security guard, "You must button up your top fully! They are very strict here!" and she proceeded to do it for Wahbert, then clipping a security tag right under Wahbert's throat. What was Wahbert doing through all this? Honestly, Wahbert was too stumped to do much beyond gaping at her.
Then Wahbert was led to the building, where people were milling about with blue plastic bags on their feet. Newcomers silently approached a large metal dispenser stuffed with similar plastic bags (which looked a lot like oval shaped shower caps) and mechanically donned on the blue plastic. What is the deal??? Wahbert was consumed with the feeling that she has stumbled upon a Marxist stronghold where entire proletarian populations are churned out with every batch of microchips manufactured.
AHA! So that is where the communists fled after the post-war insurgence! Wahbert will consider approaching their leader to rise against the tyranny of wealth by utterly destroying the embodiment of capitalism - Valentines Day.
By the way, let it be for the record that NOTHING goes with blue shower caps on your feet.
Upon arrival at the security checkpoint, Wahbert was told by the security guard, "You must button up your top fully! They are very strict here!" and she proceeded to do it for Wahbert, then clipping a security tag right under Wahbert's throat. What was Wahbert doing through all this? Honestly, Wahbert was too stumped to do much beyond gaping at her.
Then Wahbert was led to the building, where people were milling about with blue plastic bags on their feet. Newcomers silently approached a large metal dispenser stuffed with similar plastic bags (which looked a lot like oval shaped shower caps) and mechanically donned on the blue plastic. What is the deal??? Wahbert was consumed with the feeling that she has stumbled upon a Marxist stronghold where entire proletarian populations are churned out with every batch of microchips manufactured.
AHA! So that is where the communists fled after the post-war insurgence! Wahbert will consider approaching their leader to rise against the tyranny of wealth by utterly destroying the embodiment of capitalism - Valentines Day.
By the way, let it be for the record that NOTHING goes with blue shower caps on your feet.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Bad Investment
Wahbert recently learnt that blue chips are for chipmunks.
It happened like this:
Times have not been good and the market shaky, but every so often people become restless with the same balance in their bank accounts. Wahbert is no different and a particular counter caught her eye. The company is well-established, loaded and very much sought after. Something like investing in national oil and gas companies. In short, Wahbert was impatient to invest and the counter looked pretty damn good.
Like most blue chip stocks, the cost of investment was high. But Wahbert thought, what the hell, the investment will pay for itself in less than no time, so Wahbert bought.
At the beginning, the company was performing and prospects looked good. Most of all, Wahbert loved the idea of holding blue chip stock. It was empowering. After awhile though, Wahbert began to notice that the controllers were not always accountable. Furthermore, the company absolutely refused to declare dividends, even though it was making money and had massive reserves! Worst of all, Wahbert realised that she was only a minority interest and the company treats its minority interest like dirt.
Readers, choose your ending:
Ending One
The next time Wahbert thinks to "make her money grow", she will put it in topsoil and water daily.
Ending Two
I wonder in how many more ways I can objectify and disparage the Stapler.
It happened like this:
Times have not been good and the market shaky, but every so often people become restless with the same balance in their bank accounts. Wahbert is no different and a particular counter caught her eye. The company is well-established, loaded and very much sought after. Something like investing in national oil and gas companies. In short, Wahbert was impatient to invest and the counter looked pretty damn good.
Like most blue chip stocks, the cost of investment was high. But Wahbert thought, what the hell, the investment will pay for itself in less than no time, so Wahbert bought.
At the beginning, the company was performing and prospects looked good. Most of all, Wahbert loved the idea of holding blue chip stock. It was empowering. After awhile though, Wahbert began to notice that the controllers were not always accountable. Furthermore, the company absolutely refused to declare dividends, even though it was making money and had massive reserves! Worst of all, Wahbert realised that she was only a minority interest and the company treats its minority interest like dirt.
Readers, choose your ending:
Ending One
The next time Wahbert thinks to "make her money grow", she will put it in topsoil and water daily.
Ending Two
I wonder in how many more ways I can objectify and disparage the Stapler.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Prefab Angpows
Christmas and New Year just passed and Wahbert is counting the days until the Chinese New Year and the public holidays that come with it. One WoW-ian was commenting on how much she was looking forward to the actual preparation leading up to CNY. Wahbert remembers a time long ago when she actually enjoyed shopping for CNY goodies, decorating the house and helping her mom wrap "angpows", little red packets with moolah in em. Good stuff.
Thinking back, Wahbert cannot for the life of her imagine what thrill there is to be gotten from sealing away good money to be given to random strangers, particularly when it is her inheritance that is going into it. But Wahbert supposes that since it has been done for centuries it must continue to be so. Far be it for Wahbert to stand in the way of tradition, especially when Wahbert is still on the receiving end. But the actual task of filling angpows, now that is a different story, a needless senseless task. so Wahbert got this idea. Since it is always brand new crisp notes that people want and you have to go to the bank to get those, and since the banks are the ones who supply most of the red packets, why not prefab the angpows? Picture this:
Man goes up to cashier and say, I want to break this RM100 note into fivers and could I have some red packets please. Imagine how delighted he would be if the cashier gives him 20 little red packets each tenderly filled with a crisp RM5 note, neatly folded and sealed to perfection? After all, isn't consistency the beauty of mass-production? The bank earns the customer's goodwill, Wahbert gets some holiday money from the bank. Everybody's happy.
Wahbert's production line will consist of a bunch of children (highly trained in the ancient art of paper-folding), chopsticks and glue. Perhaps Wahbert will charge parents a daycare fee for taking on the kids. Perhaps not, Wahbert is in a festive mood. Naturally the children will be paid... in candy. If they're good.
Thinking back, Wahbert cannot for the life of her imagine what thrill there is to be gotten from sealing away good money to be given to random strangers, particularly when it is her inheritance that is going into it. But Wahbert supposes that since it has been done for centuries it must continue to be so. Far be it for Wahbert to stand in the way of tradition, especially when Wahbert is still on the receiving end. But the actual task of filling angpows, now that is a different story, a needless senseless task. so Wahbert got this idea. Since it is always brand new crisp notes that people want and you have to go to the bank to get those, and since the banks are the ones who supply most of the red packets, why not prefab the angpows? Picture this:
Man goes up to cashier and say, I want to break this RM100 note into fivers and could I have some red packets please. Imagine how delighted he would be if the cashier gives him 20 little red packets each tenderly filled with a crisp RM5 note, neatly folded and sealed to perfection? After all, isn't consistency the beauty of mass-production? The bank earns the customer's goodwill, Wahbert gets some holiday money from the bank. Everybody's happy.
Wahbert's production line will consist of a bunch of children (highly trained in the ancient art of paper-folding), chopsticks and glue. Perhaps Wahbert will charge parents a daycare fee for taking on the kids. Perhaps not, Wahbert is in a festive mood. Naturally the children will be paid... in candy. If they're good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)