Today, they decided to accord Wahbert the recognition she deserves by actually naming a corner of the World of Wahbert after her.
As the handyman affixed the plaque above Wahbert's office, all Wahbert could hear was the pounding of the hammer... like nails being driven into a coffin, with Wahbert in it. And so the grave is marked with a headstone. "Here lies Wahbert. From one hell to another."
I dramatise. All the plaque says is "Don't Feed the Monkeys".
Friday, March 18, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Too many partners... too little clothes (Part 4)
To: Commander S
cc: Wahbert
Subject: Re: URGENT
I apologise for the brevity of my earlier report. I was under the mistaken impression that your concern was merely as to RED SPEEDOS and was not aware that you were also concerned with SPEEDOS albeit not RED, and RED swimwear not limited to SPEEDOS.
1. As previously stated there were no RED SPEEDOS in sight (for explanantion as to 'sight' please see Appendix A);
2. They may have been RED swimwear (not SPEEDOS) in sight. However, I did not take note of the same as the said RED swimwear (not SPEEDOS) were worn by persons other than the individual(s) whom we had earlier discussed (for details of 'individuals' please see Appendix B);
3. There were no SPEEDOS in sight, RED or any other colour.
Appendix A -
'Sight'Sight, refers to sight of the person reporting as the person reporting would for obvious reasons be unable to report on what was or not within the sight of any other person. However, wishes to also add, that as the persons around with vicinity of the reported did not demonstrate a violent reaction at any time, the reported believes that the said RED SPEEDOS were also not within the sight of the persons in the vicinity of the reporter. This of course, is merely the reporters assumption.
Appendix B -
'Individual'For security purposes, the names nor descriptions of these individuals cannot be stated herein. For clarification, please contact the reporter personally on a secure line.I trust the above clarifies the confusion of certain persons. In the event certain persons are still confused. I suggest some from of re-education would be appropriate.
Thanks & regards,
S. Cout
cc: Wahbert
Subject: Re: URGENT
I apologise for the brevity of my earlier report. I was under the mistaken impression that your concern was merely as to RED SPEEDOS and was not aware that you were also concerned with SPEEDOS albeit not RED, and RED swimwear not limited to SPEEDOS.
1. As previously stated there were no RED SPEEDOS in sight (for explanantion as to 'sight' please see Appendix A);
2. They may have been RED swimwear (not SPEEDOS) in sight. However, I did not take note of the same as the said RED swimwear (not SPEEDOS) were worn by persons other than the individual(s) whom we had earlier discussed (for details of 'individuals' please see Appendix B);
3. There were no SPEEDOS in sight, RED or any other colour.
Appendix A -
'Sight'Sight, refers to sight of the person reporting as the person reporting would for obvious reasons be unable to report on what was or not within the sight of any other person. However, wishes to also add, that as the persons around with vicinity of the reported did not demonstrate a violent reaction at any time, the reported believes that the said RED SPEEDOS were also not within the sight of the persons in the vicinity of the reporter. This of course, is merely the reporters assumption.
Appendix B -
'Individual'For security purposes, the names nor descriptions of these individuals cannot be stated herein. For clarification, please contact the reporter personally on a secure line.I trust the above clarifies the confusion of certain persons. In the event certain persons are still confused. I suggest some from of re-education would be appropriate.
Thanks & regards,
S. Cout
Too many partners... too little clothes (Part 3)
To: S. Cout
cc: Wahbert
Subject: Re: URGENT
S. Cout,
Could you please clarify - When you say there were NO RED SPEEDOS IN SIGHT - are you saying that:
1) There were SPEEDOS but they were not RED
2) There was RED swimwear - but not SPEEDOS.
3) There may have in fact been RED SPEEDOS, but not within YOUR sight. If so please clarify whether or not you (i) averted your sight so as not to be struck blind (ii) did in fact keep a look out (iii) have possibly erased all memory of such RED SPEEDOS.
Really S. Cout, you must be more specific...
Regards,
Commander S
cc: Wahbert
Subject: Re: URGENT
S. Cout,
Could you please clarify - When you say there were NO RED SPEEDOS IN SIGHT - are you saying that:
1) There were SPEEDOS but they were not RED
2) There was RED swimwear - but not SPEEDOS.
3) There may have in fact been RED SPEEDOS, but not within YOUR sight. If so please clarify whether or not you (i) averted your sight so as not to be struck blind (ii) did in fact keep a look out (iii) have possibly erased all memory of such RED SPEEDOS.
Really S. Cout, you must be more specific...
Regards,
Commander S
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Too many partners... too little clothes (Part 2)
The Scout brings news!!
To: Wahbert and Commander S
cc:
Subject: URGENT
Please be informed that I attended at the Sunny Lagoon on 5th March 2005 from 9.30 am to about 6pm and had the opportunity to observe the other attendees during the course of the day. I regret to report that there were no red speedos in sight. I repeat, NO RED SPEEDOS. As such, I am unable to present any photographic evidence for your viewing pleasure. I am aware that this news will be disappointing to you, unfortunately I have nothing futher to report.
Regards,
S. Cout
To: Wahbert and Commander S
cc:
Subject: URGENT
Please be informed that I attended at the Sunny Lagoon on 5th March 2005 from 9.30 am to about 6pm and had the opportunity to observe the other attendees during the course of the day. I regret to report that there were no red speedos in sight. I repeat, NO RED SPEEDOS. As such, I am unable to present any photographic evidence for your viewing pleasure. I am aware that this news will be disappointing to you, unfortunately I have nothing futher to report.
Regards,
S. Cout
Too many partners... too little clothes (Part 1)
After enduring generations of living in an inhospitable environment where sunlight was but a distant memory for most, the inhabitants of the World of Wahbert finally decided to take their families and leave in search of better living conditions. After months of exploring, the team known as "Marketing" finally came upon a Sunny Lagoon where they thought the people from the W.o.W. would be able to spend the rest of their days in sunshine and water slides.
The expedition was headed by the Master of the Universe himself, and flanked on either side by his loyal generals, the Bear (also known as Bob) and the Lion King. Now it would be prudent to note at this point that the Bear and the Lion King are imposing figures of towering height and barrel chests, fearless fighters both. The immediate thought that struck Wahbert upon discovering the members of the expedition was that these great leaders would have to be garbed in next to nothing to effectively explore the Sunny Lagoon. Which would mean... Swim trunks. The thought of the Lion King in little red Speedos brought a shudder. Enemies near and far would surely die upon the mere sight of the famed general in all his glory.
Wahbert immediately sought out a friendly member of the expedition team to report on her findings.
The expedition was headed by the Master of the Universe himself, and flanked on either side by his loyal generals, the Bear (also known as Bob) and the Lion King. Now it would be prudent to note at this point that the Bear and the Lion King are imposing figures of towering height and barrel chests, fearless fighters both. The immediate thought that struck Wahbert upon discovering the members of the expedition was that these great leaders would have to be garbed in next to nothing to effectively explore the Sunny Lagoon. Which would mean... Swim trunks. The thought of the Lion King in little red Speedos brought a shudder. Enemies near and far would surely die upon the mere sight of the famed general in all his glory.
Wahbert immediately sought out a friendly member of the expedition team to report on her findings.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Wahbert Takes Prisoners
Wahbert has been recruited by a secretive international alliance to capture and detain members of a terrorist network. Wahbert was informed that the Modus Operandi of these terrorists is to extract sensitive intelligence relating to global share prices and hold it ransom.
At 1100hours, three suspicious persons dressed like accountants and armed with state of the art spying devices stormed the World of Wahbert, brandishing Ernst & Young name cards. Nice try, Wahbert thought. Playing along with their act of "conducting due diligence", Wahbert ushered them into a high security cell code named "Conference Room 2". Slamming the two tonne door on them, Wahbert laughed at their pathetic pleas that they were "just doing their job". Wahbert then placed a watch over her new prisoners. Dressed like the receptionist, the watch took up an unassuming position outside the cell and monitored the movements of the three prisoners.
At 1100hours, three suspicious persons dressed like accountants and armed with state of the art spying devices stormed the World of Wahbert, brandishing Ernst & Young name cards. Nice try, Wahbert thought. Playing along with their act of "conducting due diligence", Wahbert ushered them into a high security cell code named "Conference Room 2". Slamming the two tonne door on them, Wahbert laughed at their pathetic pleas that they were "just doing their job". Wahbert then placed a watch over her new prisoners. Dressed like the receptionist, the watch took up an unassuming position outside the cell and monitored the movements of the three prisoners.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
The Return of the King
... and so it was that a dissident state exists in the World of Wahbert, ruled by an evil sorceress with a temper much worse than the Queen's. As the notoriety of the evil sorceress permeates through the land, the good people of the World of Wahbert stayed clear of the forsaken realm.
However, of late, travellers who dared venture toward the boundaries of the dissident state brought accounts of the death of near entire villages under the sorceress' rule. There were further reports that the evil sorceress is kidnapping babies to be tortured for her amusement.
News of countless atrocities committed against humanity and the suffering of the damned souls finally moved the King, who was at the time playing hide and seek in the woods with hairy half-pint hobbits (or maybe he was in court with hairy half-pint lawyers).
Rules of High Court in hand, the King led his army of fearless litigators and stormed the dissident state. Before the mighty King's righteous wrath, the evil sorceress dissolved into poo.
And so the intellectual property department was saved :)
However, of late, travellers who dared venture toward the boundaries of the dissident state brought accounts of the death of near entire villages under the sorceress' rule. There were further reports that the evil sorceress is kidnapping babies to be tortured for her amusement.
News of countless atrocities committed against humanity and the suffering of the damned souls finally moved the King, who was at the time playing hide and seek in the woods with hairy half-pint hobbits (or maybe he was in court with hairy half-pint lawyers).
Rules of High Court in hand, the King led his army of fearless litigators and stormed the dissident state. Before the mighty King's righteous wrath, the evil sorceress dissolved into poo.
And so the intellectual property department was saved :)
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