Advanced Lifeform Evaluator

Memo to inhabitants of WoW:

"Please note that all office lighting is motion and light sensored. With motion sensors, if you are stationery for longer than about 10 minutes, your lights will go off.　Light sensoring is determined by the amount of natural light going into your office. Depending on what side of the office you are on, your office lights will start to dim around late morning to compensate for the natural light coming through the window."

Postscript:

If you become a pen or ruler for more than 10 minutes (it is known to happen), we will cut off power supply to your office. Clearly if you are a piece of office stationery you have no need of illumination.

On the other hand, if you have been stationary for more than 10 minutes, we should probably also be checking for a pulse (or closed eyes and slow breathing).

The humble stamp

Wahbert took a 60 cents postage stamp from the mail desk at work yesterday.*

At 12.50pm this afternoon, a firm wide email went out under the title "MISSING STAMP".

Wahbert thought to herself, wtf the bastards actually COUNT those things??!

Turns out the litigation lawyer was looking for his rubber chop (stamp, duh) for witnessing affidavits and statutory declarations.

Oh.

What guilty conscience???


* The book that changed Wahbert's life was Dogbert's seminal work 'How to Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies'.