Wahbert's Little Shop of Horrors

If you think a freezer full of dead bunnies is not your idea of due diligence, just imagine a freezer full of dead bodies...

As the day wore on into dusky gloom,
A partner slipped silently into the room;
"Let me tell you a story true,
And you can decide what you'll do.

"A man came to see me late last night,
To help his new business take flight;
They provide one stop solutions for the dead,
From dressing the body to sewing on the head.

"I sat and listened thoughtfully,
My thoughts were, ahem, naturally,
On how much the deal would bring,
How much from them I can wring.

"The man laughed as I asked about payment,
And a cold shiver filled the long moment;
'Worry you not over that which you may never see,
The dead care not how much,' he said dismissively.

"'Come, let us go for a visit to our sites,
Where we perform the final cleansing rites;
Where we annoint the bodies and make them whole,
How we preserve the shell without the soul.'

'The bodies long for mortal company,
Silent corpses of ones who were many;
In their wooden cases on marble slabs,
Lives gone from here that the devil grabs.'

'Come see them, they are waiting,
But watch for the darkness descending;
The night does prey on your mind,
Not knowing what else you might find.'

"He laughed mirthlessly and headed for the door,
I stood stock still, my feet glued to the floor;
Lost for words I blurted out, "Aren't you afraid?"
'Me?' the man said, 'Too late, I'm already dead."

Better a legislator than a janitor

Proof of nature knowing what's best when it comes to division of labour...

Section 49(1) of the Hong Kong Companies Ordinance (yes yes I know you're bored already!) provides that "No redeemable shares may be issued at a time when there are no issued shares of the company which are not redeemable."

Imagine if it had been your janitor who post a sign outside the loo saying, "No one may use the toilet at a time when there is no toilet paper which is not perfumed."

Wabbit

A partner walked into the room and looked around,
And he stared each lawyer in the eye;
"Aha!" said he, "Two associates I have found,
"What do you think of a crusty rabbit pie?"

Wahbert turned and glanced at her mate,
Who shook her head and said, "Not I!"
Wahbert also quickly made a face,
And asked, "Is the crust wholemeal or rye?"

The partner clapped his hands in glee.
"Rabbit pot pie, rabbit stew,
"Our new client," said he,
"Can process the meat for you!"

"Write the prospectus quick smart,
"How to skin and boil and chop and dice;
"Rabbit's ears and bunny's heart,
"How our guy packs it all real nice."

"We'll take you on some site visits;
"To see where the action is," he grinned.
"See the cages of furry white rabbits,
"Just waiting their turn to be skinned."

The partner smiled his sales pitch made,
"So can this file to you I trust?"
"Not so fast," Wahbert said,
"You never answered my question about the crust."

The Shoemaker's Elves

Ya know the story of the elves and the shoemaker (Brothers Grimm)? It goes something like this, sans intro...

Every night, the shoemaker cut out the leather for the shoes to be sewn the next day, and he would wake in the morning to find that the leather has been perfectly stitched into new shoes, so neatly made that there was not one bad stitch in them. The shoes pleased the customers so much that they paid the shoemaker well... And so it went on, what the shoemaker cut out in the evening was finished by the morning. He was never again short of customers and became a wealthy man. One night, the shoemaker and his wife decided to hide behind the door to see who their benefactor was. When the clock struck midnight, two unclothed little elves appeared in the room and set to work sewing the pieces of leather together, with their little hands skillfully crafting them into lovely pairs of shoes. When the work was done they quickly disappeared again, shivering into the night.

The next morning, the shoemaker and his wife decided to repay the little elves by making them little shirts and coats, trousers and stockings and little pairs of shoes to keep their tiny feet warm. That night, they laid out their offerings before retreating behind the door to await the elves' arrival. At the stroke of midnight, the two elves clambered onto the shoemaker's work table. Instead of finding pieces of cut leather, they were astonished to find the miniature clothes laid out before them. With a delight, they quickly put on the little garments and sang "Now we are boys so fine to see, why should we longer cobblers be?" so singing, they skipped and danced around the room and out the door... From that time forth they came no more.

Okay that story has no purpose other than Wahbert feeling a lot like a goddamn elf and all they do is put out dishes of cookies for us at night. Maybe they're afraid that Wahbert will turn their milk sour in the morning. Still, leather, paperwork, it's all the same, as long as it's neatly done by the morning. Gah. Need sleep.