Organowhat?

Wahbert is now in house at an insurance broker and (un)learning new things. Like:

Are "organograms" what we used to call org charts?? Now it sounds like an effing sex toy. With your manager's face on it.

Advanced Lifeform Evaluator

Memo to inhabitants of WoW:

"Please note that all office lighting is motion and light sensored. With motion sensors, if you are stationery for longer than about 10 minutes, your lights will go off.　Light sensoring is determined by the amount of natural light going into your office. Depending on what side of the office you are on, your office lights will start to dim around late morning to compensate for the natural light coming through the window."

Postscript:

If you become a pen or ruler for more than 10 minutes (it is known to happen), we will cut off power supply to your office. Clearly if you are a piece of office stationery you have no need of illumination.

On the other hand, if you have been stationary for more than 10 minutes, we should probably also be checking for a pulse (or closed eyes and slow breathing).

The humble stamp

Wahbert took a 60 cents postage stamp from the mail desk at work yesterday.*

At 12.50pm this afternoon, a firm wide email went out under the title "MISSING STAMP".

Wahbert thought to herself, wtf the bastards actually COUNT those things??!

Turns out the litigation lawyer was looking for his rubber chop (stamp, duh) for witnessing affidavits and statutory declarations.

Oh.

What guilty conscience???


* The book that changed Wahbert's life was Dogbert's seminal work 'How to Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies'.

No substitute

Wahbert walks into a shop and orders a bowl of soup.

Wahbert's soup arrived with a fork.

Waiter says "Sorry we ran out of spoons."


Some things in life just aren't meant to be.

Hardcore Toilet Paper

Does Wahbert need further proof that her life is surrounded by insanely trivial matters? This email came to all staff today:

Dear Office Worker

As some of you may have noticed we recently introduced new recycled toilet paper in line with JAIL BLOCK C's stance on sustainability and environmentally friendly initatives. However it has been brought to our attention that some of you are having difficulty with removing the empty rolls due to the hard core.

I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge that your comments have been duly noted and as a result we are taking immediate action to resolve this situation. In the meantime we kindly ask for you patience with this matter (and discretion in finding a better stocked cubicle).

We apologise for any inconvenience (such as your not having any toilet paper to use after a Number Two, oopsie).

Sincerely,
The Office Administrator

Do not work in this firm

It's someone's last day today, and he sent around a firm-wide farewell email. It goes like this:

"Hi Guy’s,

It is with sad regret that I am today leaving.... Sadly I have had to move on to further my career and to provide for my family and unfortunately this was not achievable at this firm, until after I had made my decision to leave.

I wish all at this firm the best as it is a decent company to work for and there are many good people working here.."

Didn't anyone teach him that it's better not to say anything if he cannot think of anything nice to say??

This reminds me of a notice outside a shop which had closed down.. it read "We are now closed FOREVER." Do I detect a mild accusation in the tone there, Mr Poster on the Door?

Poor eyesight

Wahbert's eyesight is getting worse.... Letters randomly appear or go missing and words keep rearranging themselves....

Today, looking at Qantas' 2010 Annual Report, Wahbert thought the front page said:

"The Scum of Us"

http://www.qantas.com.au/infodetail/about/investors/2010AnnualReport.pdf

Time for a sanity check, perhaps?