The Art of Giving

When Wahbert was little, her cousin used to have a revolving door style of dating. He could never seem to keep his girlfriends for more than a year. So rather than spending money on Christmas gifts each year on his latest fancy, Wahbert used to tell the lovely lady that next year, she will get two Christmas presents instead. They thought it was cute. Wahbert knew better.

Needless to say they never got to spend a second Christmas at Wahbert's house.

The Wahbert Guide to Breaking Up Nicely

... so the story left off with The Stapler giving Wahbert tonsillitis. Wahbert now requires surgery and is feeling all the shittier for it. Anyhoo The Stapler kicked Wahbert in the guts last night by declaring that it is in fact a piece of stationery incapable of affection warmth or companionship. Wahbert secretly plans to torch the supply cabinet.

And so The Stapler went on its spiel about how perfect its life is as a stapler and how things were getting complicated. (No shit. You're a stapler!) Basically all Wahbert heard was "Clack Clack Clack... I'm a schmuck. Clack Clack Clack ... I'm a real schmuck. Clack Clack Clack Clack... Clack Clack Clack "

When a guy says "what do you think?" "are you ok with this?" in a break-up scenario, don't stroke his ego with a tearful "Whyyyyyyyyyy" or "Can't we give it another try". Break-ups are not a democratic process. It is legal to unilaterally terminate a relationship. Unless you are married, then it's just more hassle. Be classy, be vicious if need be. For Wahbert, the latter comes naturally...

S : "Hey your security guards let me in without asking any questions!"
W: "Don't worry, they now have instructions to shoot on sight."

S : "I've never seen your car!" (What kind of preposterous remark is that given the circumstances?!)
W: "Wait right here. I'll go get the keys and you can have a view of my car coming at you at high speed."

Romancing the Stationery

I think the firm owes a duty to attach health warnings to office supplies.

I mean, you get papercuts from letterheads, we have incidents of staff stabbing themselves with pencils (accidentally, that is) and quite recently, the Stapler gave Wahbert tonsillitis. Geez man, enough is enough!!!

The Queen and I - Hide and Seek

Over the past month, Wahbert has been seeking audience with the Queen quite frequently. Various matters of State, from the farmer who needed restructuring of farmyard animals to the guy down the street who runs an investment bank. Wahbert secretly delighted in plastering the Queen with petitions as soon as the Queen alights upon her throne each day. Just now, Wahbert caught the Queen trying to hide under her table as Wahbert entered the room.

Wahbert is starting to feel that maybe the Queen doesn't want to see her. Nah......